Single Parenting -- LDS Perspective

Preparedness

2011-04-01T06:58:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time since I've written. Mostly it's because I've been busy being a single-parent and all that goes along with that. But, I've also started a new blog and am focusing much of my attention in that direction.

As things occur globally in fulfillment of prophecy I have felt the urgency to help others' continue to prepare for whatever lies ahead. Much of that preparation is spiritual. On my blog All About Preparedness I've listed powerful prophetic statements concerning the Last Days and Signs of the times. I hope you'll take a moment to look at it --- and to follow it if you feel so inclined. It's message is one of warning as well as strengthening. We really need to heed the counsel that the Lord has given us for so many years. Part of that is temporal; i.e. food storage and commodities. "After all", my friend Cheryl reminded me "the Lord just wants to feed us."

I've moved over to www.SimplyMormon.blogspot.com

2010-04-24T07:21:00.000-07:00

I've been doing several blogs and am now combining them all into one entitled http://www.simplymormon.blogspot.com/ That title is the umbrella under which I can write all things pertaining to my life and beliefs.

Hope you'll come over and join me!

Heidi G.

What we're thankful for...

2009-11-24T07:52:00.000-08:00

For the past few years we've made a 'Thanksgiving Tree' and posted it on a wall or on the fridge. This year my oldest daughter drew one on the huge whiteboard that covers most of one wall. (We're currently using it for our chore chart and to-do lists as well.)

Each of the children have been adding, in their own handwriting, lists of things that they are grateful for. A few of the things we've listed so far include: warm water, houses, shoes, silverware, electricity, lights, friends, tacos, dance partners, pillows, church, clothes, ice, pioneers.

Today the list will continue to grow.
I'm grateful for the opportunity to learn and grow, share and express, listen and understand. I'm also grateful for the opportunity to remember all our blessings and to know of the Lord's hand in it all.

A quote that hangs on my wall says this:
"Here is what I have, it is the Lords'. He has given me all that I possess. It is only committed to my charge to see what I will do with it." Brigham Young

Please Help Andrew attend Scouting Jamboree 2010

2009-08-23T10:35:00.000-07:00

Hello all,
My 13 yr. old son, Andrew, would REALLY like to attend the (100th Anniversary) National Scouting Jamboree in Fort A.P. Hills, Virginia this coming summer. He's trying to earn some money to do so.
Would you PLEASE consider ordering some delicious NUTS, POPCORN, TREATS from this site? It would REALLY help and be very appreciated!

http://www.orderpopcorn.com/ - when it asks for a ‘Scouts Key’, use TEWXU2D

- choose from a variety of delicious Trail’s End products
- once purchased, the product will be sent directly to your home!

These are top quality products and 50% of the money goes directly to Andrew for the Jamboree.

Thank you so VERY, VERY much!!!

7,000 Single Adults in the Valley

2009-07-14T20:48:00.000-07:00

We have over 7,000 Single Adults in our valley (members of the same church congregation) but only a few that attend the activities. (How are you supposed to meet someone?)

Many of the older widowed members don't attend. They don't really consider themselves as 'singles'. But, that only takes about 2,000 away from the number. What about the other 5,000?

Each individual has a story and....a reason for not attending activities and I wonder what we can do to make a difference for them.

I just returned from a meeting where there were representatives from each congregation present. They are good people. Each has much to offer as well as challenges to overcome --- or that they already have overcome. I am amazed at their endurance and their willingness to serve others who are in similar circumstances or on the path that they have already tread.

But, it's sometimes discouraging for me to go to so much work to plan events and activities --- and few come. It's worth it for those few ---- but, somewhat challenging for me. So, I pray to know what to do ---- as I don't want to take too much time away from my own children. They are my first priority. I guess we press on and seek guidance higher than our own!

Time with each child

2009-07-04T21:07:00.000-07:00

This weekend my 2 daughters spent time with cousins and a beloved Aunt. That left time for me and my son. I realized, once again, how important it is to spend one-on-one time with each child individually. As a family group we do many things together, pray, study the scriptures, shop, clean the house, go for walks etc. But, the dynamic changes when there is time to listen to the one and do an activity that that child chooses.

Last night my son and I lay out on the grass and watched the fireworks from a not-too-distant college stadium. It was a beautiful night on a large lawn and the weather was perfect for the event. We got the giggles 1/2 way in-between the fireworks as the blanket wasn't quite big enough to lie on and to cover us with. It was a fun exchange and one which we'll both probably remember for a long time.

As we lay under the stars; pondering upon the great expanse of the universe, we felt a renewed connection and closeness that wouldn't have come had all four of us been there together.

I'm grateful for the reminder that the Lord knows each sparrow that falls as well as each of us by name and individually. It was a blessing to spend time with this son and to share a memorable evening together; just the two of us. Those pleasant times renew me to continue forward -- amidst the daily challenges that come.

Single Parenting -- Two bloggers who need our support

2009-06-13T12:30:00.000-07:00

Today I read two new articles on the LDS Neighborhood Site. Click here to read from these two women bloggers who have found themselves newly in singlehood. The heartache and pain is real.
Those of us in this situation would do well to pray for them and provide them support. (We all need to do that for each other anyway!)

I've found that unless someone has been through this --- they truly don't understand and ....often don't really care. (They have their own set of problems to deal with.)

But, as Pres. Kimball said "There is no tragedy in death...only in sin".
Death may be difficult -- but, it IS part of the Lord's plan of happiness.
Divorce is not.
And, after an often excruciating divorce people don't bring you casseroles, take care of your kids, bring cards and flowers etc. It's usually very much the opposite; they avoid you. Perhaps they don't know what to say or they don't want to 'catch' something. But, yes, they judge. Very often they judge. What they don't realize is that oftimes it's not because of the unrighteousness of BOTH that divorce occurs. Sometimes it is. But, in many cases it is one party who opts out and who chooses an unrighteous path - leaving the other to pick up the pieces, care for the family, take the responsibilities, and lose much of their life as it had been established. It surely is a difficult road.

Sufficient For Our Needs

2009-06-08T15:50:00.000-07:00

Often, the statement 'We have sufficient for our needs' comes to mind as I travel this earthly path. I am grateful for that comment and have pondered it often.

I recall the day that a college Professor stated: 'We have only one true need', and gave us time to consider what that might be.

The answer was: "The need to be redeemed".
Every'thing' else is secondary. If we don't have the first then....nothing else will ever really matter.

Does anyone speak "Cat?"

2009-04-08T12:29:00.001-07:00

We've sort of adopted 2 stray cats to go with the one we already had. Apparently they found us because of our outside cat food.

Last month one gave birth to three adorable kittens. Though we had made her a nice, warm place in the corner -- she, apparently, wanted more privacy than that. She delivered under the kids' bed.

The second Mom gave birth 11 days later; following suit. She did it under MY bed! :)

Now they're nearly a month old. We've done all we know to do to care for them but the mother of the first batch walks around the house all day making noises like this: errrrrruh, errrrruh, eruuuh. Does anyone on here speak 'cat'? :)

Sometimes it means 'I'm hungry', or 'I'm thirsty', or 'I wanna go out'. And, sometimes she wants to be petted or put under the sink faucet to drink. But, today, I'm not sure what it means and ..... I'm wishing that I did.

I couldn't resist this one

2009-03-30T19:59:00.000-07:00

I found this on another blog and just had to share.
It's entitled "Paging Obama".
I'm adding ....."what have we come to?"

Preparing for the coming days... as a Single Parent

2009-03-30T19:11:00.000-07:00

No matter our station in life; we are to prepare for the coming days. The Lord has told us how to prepare. The scriptures and teachings of the living Prophets continue to warn and forewarn. None of us can say that we didn't know. The Lord desires to bless us. He can do so as we are obedient and heed His words.
My prayer is that we do so.

Single Stats: Women to Men

2009-03-12T11:08:00.000-07:00

As a newly-called Singles Rep for our Stake I have also been given a calling as Regional Co-Chair for Special Activities. Apparently we have 24 (soon to be 25) stakes in our region. The stats show that there are about 10 women per 1 man. And, that there are approx. 30 Temple Worthy women to 1 men. No wonder many of us are still single.
As well, we have over 7,000 singles in our region. That's about 2 full stakes of singles. And, most of them don't attend any activities because they aren't aware of them. Most wards don't have single reps and some stakes still don't. The biggest problem seems to be lack of sharing of information. Without ward reps the word doesn't get out. Many singles who would like to attend activities don't even know that they exist.

I met with the Bishops in our stake last night. They are good men. It was rewarding to present to them our 'dilemma' and try to obtain their support and tender mercies. Oftimes I think that we're on the bottom rung of the totem pole in importance. Perhaps it's because we're not the 'squeaky wheel', or maybe it's because when someone hasn't experienced something they don't really know or understand the challenges and needs of that circumstance.

I believe my role is to help share insights so that we can bless all in the fold; especially those on the outskirts. To that end I will strive!

Righteous Yearnings unfulfilled in mortality will one day be fulfilled!

2009-03-09T11:49:00.000-07:00

These beautiful and hopeful remarks by President Boyd K. Packer have blessed my heart. I hope they'll bless yours too.

"It suits the purpose of the Almighty to let it be that some will not have a marriage or find it broken through death or mischief. Some have great difficult having any children, and some will not have children of their own -- that it, it will not happen in mortal life. But in the eternal scheme of things, it will happen as surely as the commandments are kept. Those yearnings unfulfilled in mortality will be filled to overflowing in the life beyond where there is eternal love and eternal increase".

"Those who are limited in this life have a greater joy beyond the veil to find that all will be added upon you in that existence".

"I refer to those of you who have not had the privilege of marriage or who have lost your husbands through the tragedy of divorce or perhaps through the inevitable call of death.
Some of you are struggling alone to raise little families, often on meager budgets and often with hours of lonliness. I know there is a great power of compensation.".....

Truth comforts more than anything else! How thankful I am that we have living oracles of God to guide, instruct, comfort and teach! Their words are manna to the soul!

We're Not The Only Ones Who Feel This Way

2009-03-02T07:33:00.001-08:00

I am SO thankful for the people who commented on my last entry. It was a few weeks back and it's just now that I'm getting back on here.
It's always nice to know that we're not alone in the struggles.

On Saturday we had a Stake Womens' Conference with Ardeth Kapp being the keynote speaker. She had us stand-up and face another person in the room. (I happened to be behind an old neighbor from 9 yrs. ago). She had us do 'small talk' for 30 seconds. Then, she asked us to go a little deeper and share a personal concern with each other. Then, she had us express something we'd like to contribute to our ward and then a few sentences to each other as if it would be our last time seeing each other on earth. In those few moments tears were actually shed and people connected with one another on a deeper level than expected.

We realized that often, in our neighborhoods or meetings, there is merely 'small talk'. It doesn't really connect us with each other and we leave feeling 'empty'. But, when concerns and deeper feelings are shared -- we connect and can comfort and love one another.

For those same reasons -- I want to express my love for those who shared theirs on my last entry. I felt a love for you even though we've never met. And, I will include you in my prayers this day as new found and dear friends.

Thank you for your willingness to get past the facades (that are often there) and share your own challenges and concerns. It really helped me realize that I am not alone and that I can connect with other people on this deeper and more-powerful and fulfilling level.

What to do, what to do, what to do......

2009-02-14T14:55:00.000-08:00

Okay, so what do I do? I guess I need not ask you all -- rather ask the Lord. But, I'll throw it out there anyway. Perhaps you have a valid response.

Ski trips, cruises, dance lessons, athletics, swim teams, sports academy memberships, trips and travels, new dresses each Sunday, large homes, basketball and tennis courts, horses, snowmobiles etc. All these things are items we've lacked and have had to discuss in our home as many of our friends, family members, neighbors and ward members have these things. We can't afford any of them. It wouldn't be so bad if it were a temporary thing but it's been 9 yrs. and we've not been blessed with these opportunities.

I don't think I feel sorry for myself; as we have 'sufficient for our needs' but, I do wish that sometimes we could have an outlet more than just going for a walk or petting stray cats. lol

We are blessed and are very grateful for what the Lord has done for us. And yet, the load is heavy and we sometimes wish for a helping hand or just someone noticing that we don't have the same opportunities that they do. (Sometimes validation is the only thing that is needed.) I wish that I were truly happy for all the ward members who just returned from a cruise with their spouses; but, for some reason, I haven't been able to feel that. Perhaps that is something that I really need to change.

Tears have been shed over the years at the 'blessings' that others' seem to have and we don't. It might be easier to live out in the boonies where we wouldn't have to see the comparisons. Yet, that, apparently is not in the plan for us, as we've been led to this place and are grateful to have a roof over our heads and small bedrooms to share.

I wonder if some of my sadness about the whole thing is that in our affluent society we might tend to forget those who have less. It might be easy for us to think that since we are doing well -- that everyone else is too. I fear that I did that too before I was in this circumstance. I've repented about that and hope that I will never see others' in need and not care.

I'm working 3 jobs and raising 3 children alone. I have 3 callings and try to do whatever the Lord would have me do. I've sought him in mighty prayer and feel that I am doing what He would have me be doing at this time in my life; though it can be very lonely and difficult and that path seems to be unending. I've learned that those who have never experienced this are most often completely unaware and sometimes even uncaring. I don't seem to have much of a friendship with those who are oblivious, rather the ones I love most dearly are the 'real', humble and sincere ones who seem to be more aware of life's challenges and are not trying to keep up with the Jones'. And there are no manner of 'ites' among them.

What do you think?

And.... I REALLY wish we'd send the money from the planned ward ski-trip to the African village where children LONG to go to school but are only able to if they have the required $13.00 uniform. They have no way to get that money. $13.00 would change their whole life! I believe we'll be held accountable for how we use our resources.

Brigham Young said: "Here is what I have, it is the Lords'. He has given me all that I possess, it is only committed to my charge to see what I will do with it".

My new dearest friend..... and "Stand Up For Freedom"

2009-01-13T13:25:00.000-08:00

So, Rick, is my new dearest friend as of today. :)
You can't blame me for that after reading his very, very kind words on my last entry.
I love him from afar --- since I've never met him. But, he's a true brother!
I'm glad that he's in law school --- working to defend true principles and stand strong for what is right. http://leftwingnuts.blogspot.com/

I've been giving much thought to our Constitution, a heavenly banner.
I recently listened to a talk tape from Pres. Benson -- given in 1960 entitled "Stand Up For Freedom". It was of the most powerful talks ever given -- and I was SO thankful for a Prophet of God who foresaw our day and who knows of the corruption in govt. as it's been revealed to him. (You have to hear it to believe it!)

We're in the winding-up days. Much will happen. Are we 'ready'. Have we followed the Prophet, filled our lamps, filled our cupboards, filled our hearts? It's something I'm continually working on and praying for. Oh, how I look forward to the day when the Savior returns. What a blessed day that will be.

My New Year's Eve --- Good for your belly laugh and my tears. :)

2009-01-02T14:40:00.000-08:00

Okay, so if you need a good laugh at my expense here it is.
New Year's Eve Party for Singles over 31:
I take my convert neighbor who easily finds fault with me and many things that I do (that's always fun), and an inactive other lady who I called at the last minute and she came (she was sweet as I learned all about Medicare) and me.

We get in line for the potluck dinner (which was gross) and I'm the only one who brought a green salad. There was some jello, store purchased macaroni or potato salad (which is almost inedible) and a whole slew of desserts (mostly store purchased and icky).

Of course I introduced myself to the man in line with us; an elderly 82 yr. old man with bushy eyebrows who was alone. His wife passed away 2 yrs. ago and I knew he was lonely. So, I included him, visited with him, asked him all about himself and invited him to sit with us. (I learned a bit about beaver pelting and all his children.) And, he was just dear.

After dinner the movie played in the RS room. The VCR wasn't working so it skipped about 1/3 of the dialog. That was fun. And, people were coming in and out the whole time. About 1/2 the crowd was mentally ill. (Not to be unkind about that as I have a brother with a severe mental illness and have great understanding and compassion for the issues) but it makes for interesting company and entertainment. One guy ducked in front of the screen 1/2 way through the movie, so he could make his way to the back and huck his apple core (hard) into the garbage. Then, he bounced back all the way to the otherside where he'd come from. You really had to be there for that one; it was funny -- as it was so interestingly done.

The door had to be left open so the guy reclined in the wheelchair in the hall could see in. This made it so that we could hear every conversation happening outside the room (they were oblivious to him and to all of us) and all the kids running the halls. So....as you can guess, that was fun too.

Then, there was the only cute and normal guy in the room (my secret crush which I know that I have to get over as he has no interest in me whatsoever) who was with a DATE!!!! A cute little blonde thing on his arm. That made it NOT so fun for me and on the verge of more sorrow.

So, I said to myself 'Chubby self, don't let this get you down. You find someone who is more lonely and worse off than yourself to befriend." I determined to do that so that I wouldn't feel so sorry for myself. So, after the movie we went back into the cultural hall to 'play games' and do 'karaoke'.
The games were for 20 minutes (as, apparently the party was to end at 10:00; [12:00 New York time]). I guess they know that most of the crowd can't stay up that late.

So, one lady sang several karaoke songs as the rest of us listened. She loves to be the center of attention; and, for the rest of us to be attentive. So... that was fun too. :)

And, a few people played some kind of games at the tables for 20 minutes. And, I found the man in the corner in the wheelchair and decided to visit with him. He ended up cheering me and I was humbled by his sweet attitude. I learned all about him, the cute nurses that tend to his needs, his 52 hr. trip to Alaska, the death of his sister, his childhood being made fun of, pushed down the stairs, mocked etc. I was so sad for the treatment he had received. Yet, his philosophy is 'life is what you make it". It gave me reason to remind myself of what Christ would have us do and to know that at my worst; I, at least, am mobile and fairly pain-free. I've had a more 'normal' life and, at least, have children. I was truly humbled, and edified and felt that I had a new, kindred friend. I was humbled and repentant for feeling so sorry for myself.

Then, the countdown came, some balloons dropped from a sheet type thing, people popped and squashed them, and ....we cleaned up. The only man in a suit was asked to sweep. (There's something ironic about that) and I helped to stack chairs as most of the crowd had left.

An older mentally-challenged man approached me and stated loudly to me "Hey, I got something to tell you". So, I stood there as he loudly recited (in Monotone) this LONG Christmas poem to me. He was so proud and so tickled when I acknowledge how well he did. And, the tender poem was about the lonely old woman who had prepared to meet the Savior on Christmas. She got out her best ware and He never came. Instead a beggar came to the door and she gave him to eat. A child approached and she gave him a coat. As I stood there listening (alone) I realized that he was teaching me. All the hopes that I had had for a nice Christmas and New Year, were actually being answered in the way that I had tried to serve others as the Savior would have had me do. And, that my lonliness was met by these simple other people who were in more difficult circumstances than I, and yet not complaining. I felt that the Lord was there with me -- through these souls; my special brothers and sisters.

Then, 9:00 the next morning the phone rings. It was the 82 yr. old man. "Hi Heidi, I'd like to get to know you better. Would you meet me for breakfast this morning?" (Oh, what am I to do? This has happened before. The old, old guys and the mentally-ill are the only ones interested in me.) I was kind as I knew of his lonliness and said, "Oh, thank you for the offer. You are kind. But, I think that the age difference is just too great. I'm still raising young children". His response "Oh, you are? That's the story of my life. I didn't know."Of course, he didn't. I don't think that anyone asked me anything about myself the whole night. They usually don't. If I am there to reach out -- then, that is what I do. I try to help others feel loved, acknowledged, included etc. But, people don't do that for me. Not very often in my own ward either.

So, I guess it's just the way it is.
The next night was a family party. I feel so much more alone sometimes when I'm in a group of couples and families. They come with their spouse, leave with their spouse, and I drive home alone (2 1/2 hrs.) with my kids -- to tackle the world and work load alone again.
To be honest, I left that party in tears. One particular brother snapped at me -- and I started to sob. I was already on the verge --- (from the night before and the events of the day which had been tiring). I have some siblings with huge homes, large families, successful businesses, lots of benefits for their children; music lessons, private schools, private tutors, many sports camps, EFY, scholarships, mentors, meetings with famous people and church leaders, have 'higher' callings themselves etc. Yet, they take not thought that we have never been skiing (as they all were going today), we can't afford movies (they go to NY several times a year to Broadway shows), we don't vacation (they do often as well as travel and play), they talk about the school sports teams they all play on (I have had to teach my son baseball and basketball and do all the scouting things with him by myself) and they are not alone.

Even when it's hard and despite all this, and when I'm more humble, I am truly grateful for my life. I know it's the best one for me as I learn and grow and know of the struggles of others. I would rather have it this way than for me to be on the other end; oblivious to the plight and heartache of others. I know that the Lord has blessed us and that we have the gospel. What more do any of us NEED in this life?

So, sorry for my complaining. But, thanks for listening. It saves me a lot in therapy costs. lol
And, thanks for those of you who are kind, who have struggled, who are compassionate, who do reach out to others and are mindful of the ways in which you might lift them. I think that we are here to learn those things. Don't you?

hugs!

I'm sorry -------

2008-12-28T07:48:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry. I own you everyone an apology. I've complained too much and have been focusing on all the things that were wrong instead of all the things that were right.

Over the weekend (my kids were gone) I had time to think, ponder, pray, study etc. and .....read Jeffery's letter (the last blog entrance) and feel to repent for my attitude. I think that I became a bit hard-hearted as I've gone through being single for 9 years and experienced much throughout that time.

I'm sorry and will try to do better.
I appreciate the kindness and empathy that Jeffery showed -- because it geared me towards the right direction and softenened my heart. Sometimes that's all we need; to be validated and cared for.

So, I'm going to try to do better. I want to be soft and kind and tender and ..... pure in heart. Thanks for forgiving me, not judging, and allowing me the chance to change and become better.

I love Jeffery

2008-12-27T13:51:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I got the nicest note I've probably ever received in my life (or for a long time) from a former principal of our school and dear and good man. He was kind, thoughtful and charitable.
He knows several good single-women and showed concern and tenderness for their situations.
He restores all of our faith in mankind.

Thank You, Jeffery. You are of the dearest brothers. I hope you will be blessed for your kindness as it truly was Christlike.

I've poured out my heart, probably too much, in these blogs --- but, it's been partly therapetic in my journey to becoming more pure in heart, forgiving, loving, and compassionate to others. I've found peace in forgiving others' and hope that the Lord hasn't given up on me yet.

Sometimes, as singles, we're given many opportunities to learn to forgive -- as people can say the darndest things. I've been hurt and have sometimes (too often) taken offense. I've prayed mightily to forgive as I don't like to not be at peace. And, it has come. Fasting helps too as does meditation and pondering on the truths of the gospel.
I am still on the quest to forgive and not take offense because it's me who suffers; not them. Often, they 'know not what they do'.

As (sometimes lonely) singles, we are blessed with an increased capacity for compassion since the hole (space) in our hearts has opened up a greater capacity for increased emotions of light and love. Now, that's a blessing to be grateful for. As are all the things we learn from the trials we experience. As my friend Jan would say "God is good, Heidi. God is good".

Thank You, Jeffery, for reminding me of what is good and true in this world.
You have blessed me and my children --- and your words were sweet manna to the soul.
Bless you and yours!

Drop-dead gorgeous Barbie who loves to hunt, fish, travel

2008-12-22T15:04:00.000-08:00

Okay, so as a single person in my 40's this is what I'm dealing with on the on-line LDS singles sites. I wish that I would have kept some sort of a list over the years. You might be shock-ed and amaz-ed (as John Bytheway would say) to read what some of the men write.

It's worse than being at a Jr. High dance. You're rejected over and over and over again. And, they don't hesitate to do so because they feel anonymous.

But, I have OFTEN read things that men have written such as:
Looking for drop dead gorgeous
Needs to be in great shape to keep up with me
Must have had no depression in the past
I don't care if you keep a clean house, I don't care about stuff like that
I don't want any more kids
I've raised my kids and now want to hunt and fish and travel
Don't want someone with any baggage
Looking for hunting, fishing, travelling companion
Need someone with tight body and sexy
Won't write to you unless you post a photo
60 yr. old professional looking for musician in 20's
Must be willing to relocate because I can't
Want someone who works full-time, financially independent
Just looking for a good make-out, want no obligation
Looking for 'fun-loving' and 'playful'
etc.

Maybe some of these are okay, but there are worse ones out there.
The bottom line is that there is a lot of selfishness. (You'll just have to take my word for that.)

Some comments are probably helpful -- but, many focus on all the things that church leaders have told us that we shouldn't focus on --- because they don't make for a better marriage.

I didn't mind the surfacy items as much in the past as I do now. But, it's gotten old!
Perhaps they give insight into why certain ones are divorced. No one can fill the glass slippers of perfection that some are looking for. And, many women are still raising children (alone) looking for a partner not just a travelling buddy.

I guess that you have to be in the situation to really understand it. I'm sure that there are some nice men out there somewhere -- but, they seem to be few and far between. I know that the brethren are very concerned about this. My Stake President told me so after he had met with one of the twelve recently.

So.... before you judge single women too harshly --- try to understand what options they may or may not have. And, try to offer any kindness or support. It's one of the most difficult of life's challenges!!!!

Blogging Award

2008-12-22T11:35:00.000-08:00

I've just received this award from Suko of Suko's Notebook Thanks Suko. You are always kind and thoughtful.

These are the guidelines I received from Suko:
1. List 10 honest things about yourself (have some fun with this!).
2. Pass the award on to 7 bloggers (or less)

I'm probably too candid on this blog. But, it's my therapeutic outlet. ;)

So....here goes:
Ten Truths About Me:
1. I don't like being single. It's of the hardest trials of my life.
2. I don't like being the poorest in the ward.
3. I try to love and serve much.
4. Ruffles and milk, not chocolate or ice cream :)
5. I have a secret present crush. :) but will never tell.
6. I REALLY like a clean and neat house (but it's not always that way.)
7. I'm not 'easy-going'. But, then, I've never read that in the scriptures or about any of the brethren either. But, a lot of men on-line are looking for that! as well as 'drop dead gorgeous', 'tight body', 'thin', 'wants to travel and play' etc. Haven't found many that want 'good mother', 'honest', 'nurturing', 'stay-at-home Mom' etc. For those of you who aren't single; you really have NO idea of what it's like. And, I've found, that most of you don't care either. :) It's like being rejected over and over again at a Jr. High dance --- but.....much worse.
8. I'm mad at a lot of people. :) Maybe, hurt is a better word. It's very lonely --- especially around the holidays. I don't even like to do family things anymore as everyone is with their spouses and children.
9. But, I work hard to love and forgive. (They know not what they do) (or....don't do)
10. I wish I could afford a nice haircut, have two temporary crowns on my teeth fixed (they have hurt for several years now) an eye exam and new contacts (I'm almost out) and glasses (mine are broken). But, someday I'd really love to have laser eye surgery. :)

How's that for honest and 'pouring out your heart'? :)

Thanks, Suko
You are dear!!!

Things are better

2008-12-11T18:59:00.001-08:00

My last blog was a 'pour out your heart' type of entry. It helped. I felt better afterwards -- and even somewhat 'lightened'. I guess that sometimes things are better if we are able to express them, feel any sort of validation, and realize that we're not alone.

Thanks for those of you who commented! I truly appreciated you and hope that things will get better for you too.

One thing is certain --- life presents changes. Some are more difficult than others. Some bring happiness and ease, others bring more trials and challenges.

A friend recently reminded me that all these things can be for our good. They teach us things that we might not be able to learn in other ways and can be for our own purification and enlarging of our soul.

One thing I have learned is that the Lord truly does help me -- sometimes over time --- and then to look back and be grateful for what I've learned, even from the most excruciating of times. But, I often need help along the way in learning. Sometimes it comes from prayer, sometimes from pondering scriptures and pleading for help, sometimes from hymns, articles, comments from others, friends. I am so thankful for those who share something with me that I need at the time. I especially am receptive when they are doing it humbly and not to try to 'teach me a lesson'. I'm grateful for any kindnesses out there and bet that you are too!

Blogging Therapy

2008-12-05T10:44:00.000-08:00

I don't think that anyone reads this blog -- but, that's okay. This is sort of my therapy blog I suppose. I can write/journal on here and get out my frustrations, sadness, lonliness etc. and then express my appreciation and gratitude for the blessings that I do have.

To be honest, sometimes I really do feel sorry for myself. Many friends, neighbors, family members have so many wonderful opportunities and blessings that we don't and probably never will in this life.

You don't have to remind me to be grateful for what I do have though. When I count my own blessings I know that I do have much to be grateful for. But, when I count others' blessings I have a harder time. Some of the things we struggle with that other people get to do are; travel, sports camps, music lessons, vacations, nice clothing, nice husbands, nice homes, nice cars etc.
Many know that they are blessed and express that gratitude. But, sometimes I feel so very alone feeling that no one cares about us, has any idea how hard it is, has any idea of how we feel when we can't afford all the things that they can.

I do realize that we have a roof over our heads, clothing, food etc. I also realize that there is a lot of worldliness and affluence in our society. I'm trying to find the balance of being grateful for what we have; which is 'sufficient for our needs' and not feeling sorry for ourselves and so much that we have suffered. For, we truly have suffered and have been through a lot of hard things. It's easier when we don't live among affluence. It's easier when we lived in a condo and weren't the poorest. But, when you're the poorest in the area -- you surely know it -- as do your children. My youngest has come home from church crying that she is the only one without a Dad and has also commented that some of the girls are so cute and have new dresses each week.

It does give us something to discuss and we have had to turn to the Lord in much of our heartache and grief. But, I'm glad that we're on this end of it and not the other as we have been very blessed to learn life lessons and about reaching out to others in need --- that we probably wouldn't have learned in any other way.

So.....though my heart aches often, and I know of the sweet blessings that many of my friends and relatives have with their nice homes and yards and spouses and children etc. I can only hope that someday the Lord will bless us with the desires of our hearts and that we will be more considerate and compassionate and aware of those who are suffering. And....that He will forgive us for the times that we were not. I do know that I truly have come to love the poor and the needy more than I love money or wealth. For that blessing I am grateful.
But I also feel sometimes that I am just a big loser.

Puzzles and Building Things

2008-12-03T09:01:00.000-08:00

I used to think that doing puzzles was a waste of time. Why put together something when you can just buy the framed photo?

But, I've learned since then. I had two friends, a few years back, who invited me over to 'puzzle' with them. We were all new in the area -- one from another state, one widowed, and me; a single Mom with three young children. We spent some hours together putting puzzles together; but more importantly, putting each other together. We built relationships, laughed, learned of each other, and built something beautiful together.

Since those years back we've developed a family tradition of doing puzzles -- especially at Christmas time. Our favorite ones are by Eric Dowdle. This year we're doing 'Festival of Trees'. It's beautiful. Then, we'll glue it and frame it as a family memory.

Take My Yoke Upon You

2008-11-26T09:15:00.000-08:00

A few years back I attended an event where there were two large oxen being guided by their owner along a pathway. I stopped to visit with their 'master' and ask him questions. He told me that each of the oxen weighed over 2,800 lbs. Each, alone, could pull about 2,600 lbs. But, with a wooden yoke attaching them together, they could pull about triple that amount.

Christ said "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me, for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

If we are yoked to Christ then He will pull the load with us and carry the burdens of life and of parenting. We are not alone. Well, at least we don't need to be. He has offered His help. We can accept it --- or not.

Parenting and the Quest for Heaven in our Homes

2008-11-19T13:35:00.000-08:00

If parenting doesn't purify us -- what will? :)

That is a good reminder to me!

Sometimes when times are really rough and I want to ship the kids off to Timbuktu (sp?) -- I have to remind myself that 'all these things will give thee experience and be for thy good".

I love a statement by Daryl Hoole who said:
"If we want to have our homes in heaven, hereafter, we must have heaven in our homes here."

It's a continual process of work and refinement. I suppose that each problem we resolve is a step in the right direction -- even though it's a bit rough in the meantime. The path up isn't always smooth and flat. It's "up" and rocky along the way.

I love this painting as it reminds me to REACH UP to the One who can lift! We have to make the effort to receive the help the He is so willing to offer. For that knowledge and promise I am forever grateful!

Single Parent Homeschooling

2008-11-15T09:30:00.001-08:00

It's possible - but not very probable - to be a single-parent and to homeschool. In our case it's been miraculous to be able to do so.

Each human being has a different plan for their educational pursuits. In our case it has been a blessing for my children to be at home building stability and foundations where they otherwise would not have had that. (You'll just have to trust me on that one.)

A single-parent home is difficult enough. My children needed stability and the strong foundation that homeschooling would bring. It's been a lot of sacrifice on my part, but, something that I will never regret doing. I know that I only have one chance to raise my children and any sacrifice I feel led to to will be worth it in the long-run.

Thanks to all you other homeschooling familes! You are inspirational and helpful! I know it's a sacrifice for you, too, and I honor you for that decision and for the work and prayer that you put forth.

Our new homeschooling blog is: http://OurHome-SchoolingAdventures.blogspot.com
We'd love your comments there -- especially if they are helpful :) (There are plenty of mean-spirited ones out there.)

Parenting Seminar and feeling alone.....

2008-11-14T07:16:00.001-08:00

Last night I attended a parenting seminar for "Single Moms". I was grateful that after all these years (nearly 9) of doing it alone there would be some kind of help or support. But, most of the gals were younger with toddlers and without an education. Several scholarships were awarded (drawn from a hat) to the total amt. of thousands of dollars. Others won gift certificates to stores for 40 and 50.00. A speaker talked of being single for 2 1/2 yrs. before she met her current husband and love of her life.

I often wonder what is wrong with me. Why am I still single after all these years?
I've tried my best to do what is right, to raise my children well, to work hard and try to take care of all the things that are needing to be done. If that was all it took then I'd not be in my still-single state. But, it's not. I know many women who are wonderful, hard-working, educated, spirtual, loving, want to be married and mothers more than anything in this world -- who still don't have that deepest blessing or longing of their heart.

I've been faithful and true, attend church and serve in callings, serve and care for others, overcome obstacles, live frugally and sacrifice much to be home with my children and to help them through their struggles and challenges.

I've done the on-line thing over the years and have attended a few firesides and even a dance (ick) and dated a bit over the years. But, there seem to be few men available. And, those that are (this is really true) often state that they want someone 'drop dead gorgeous', thin and physically fit, to travel, hunt, fish and camp with, who is financially independant, who has already raised her children, who is cheerful and easy-going etc. Few of them are looking for a nurturing spouse, one who keeps a neat home -or at least strives to, one spiritual or educated etc. I'm sure that people would have a lot of advice for me as to how to get into better shape (though I am continually working on that one), how to reduce the size of my nose or redo my hair as to be more attractive, how to dress better (though I can't afford much) etc. :) So, I do often feel very alone though I may be surrounded by people and in the midst of families and married couples. What is a person to do? The only thing I know is to try to be true and faithful and overcome personal struggles and to serve others. I do all those things (sometimes more than I can really handle) as I know we're to do all we can do. And, to do what the Lord would have ME do; it being different than those on the outside may think I should do.

If life's meaning is in love -- then surely those of you with it would ponder on what it might mean to not have it, not have a companion, do it alone year after year and would have any kind of empathy or compassion for those of us who don't. But, my experience has been that most don't either care or don't think about it or fault those of us who are in the situation. We do it alone most of the time with little support, caring, encouragement or understanding. And, for many of us, it's not because we are bad people or are single because of our 'unrighteousness' or lack of effort. It's often to the contrary. My Mom once told me 'you worked harder in your marriage than anyone I know'. I loved, served, sacrificed, forgave and worked very hard to make my marriage work but he didn't love me and didn't want to be married. Because of his 'alternative' lifestyle choices he didn't have the ability or desire to love me or the children and has caused us all a tremendous amount of pain and suffering because of his anger and abuse added to his addictions and attractions. It's been the most painful thing I've ever suffered and it hasn't been because of my unrighteousness or selfishness. But, it's the situation and I've tried to deal with it with the few resources that we have.

I guess I'm sending this blog out to the 'universe' knowing that not many will ever read it -- but, feeling that it's sometimes therapeutic to express oneself and ones heartache and grief. And, hoping that someone out there will take a moment to think about those less well-off than themselves family-wise and stability-wise. Children suffer much because of a divorce --- and it may take a lifetime to heal from the pain and suffering and lonliness of it.

My youngest daughter often cries about being the only one without a Dad- often after church or school. She also is pained at not having new clothes like all the other children or the cute and skinny girls in the ward. All of my children have suffered much because of the lack of a caring or kind father. We pray for him and pray to forgive yet we continue forward and try to do what we can for stability, courage, faith, patience and kindness towards others in need. We do what we can and try everyday to press forward and work through the challenges.

"You can buy anything in this world with money"

2008-11-05T07:17:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I woke up really early. I was concerned about the national election and the ramifications that we are all going to experience.

I've been thinking of the phrase "you can buy anything in this world with money" and how that is true in politics today. Obama outspent McCain 4 to 1 in Florida and outspent him at least double and triple in the rest of the nation. He raised 3/4 of a billion dollars; most of it coming from the far left, from Hollywood, and from liberal democrats. He was the 'sweetheart' of the liberal media who gave him much more positive free airtime than they did for McCain. In fact, some of the reporting shows that Obama received 74% positive media to McCain's 14% from the mainstream (liberal) media.

It makes a person wonder if anyone could overcome that -- especially when many of the concerns that Christians had were not even reported. The negative and disconcerting things about Obama were overlooked and purposefully NOT reported by the mainstream media. Hence the lack of knowledge about Obama and his liberal connections and leftist voting record.

For those of us feeling the sense of loss --- our stability will be in keeping our roots deeply planted in correct principles despite the outward winds that blow. We can remind ourselves to put our trust in the only Foundation that is stable.

How Parenting Can Purify Us

2008-11-04T17:09:00.000-08:00

One day my sister (who has 10 children) was in a holy place and approached by an older gentleman. As they visited he told her "If our children don't purify us -- nothing will!".

I've thought about that statement many times.

If our quest in life is to become purified and more holy -- then we ought to recogize that we've been blessed with opportunities to become so! The challenges that nick away at our imperfections are actually blessings with a great purpose in mind.

When life seems to present me with trials that I don't think I can overcome -- I often turn to sources greater than my own understanding! This older gentleman was one of those. With his lifetime of observation and experiences he knew that the challenges those behind him faced -- would be teaching tools in their personal progression. We can learn much from those who have gone before us. Their world view is more vast and comprehensive than ours.

Carving Pumpkins is sort of like raising children

2008-10-28T16:51:00.001-07:00

Carving pumpkins is sort of like raising children; sometimes they turn out cuter than expected and sometimes they don't. Sometimes you make mistakes and sometimes you end up wanting to redo the whole thing. And, they always look better when there is light inside of them.

We do the best we can to nurture them when they are small seeds. But, inside that seed is something even more magnificient than we could have produced on our own. Sunlight, watering and good soil all help to produce a better product. Thank goodness that there is a better gardner (and sculpture) than us who is willing to give help and offer suggestions along the way.

My pumpkin didn't turn out very well this year --- but as I was pulling out internal parts and many more seeds -- I was again amazed how they all came from one single seed. It was a reminder to me that great things are planted inside each of us and each of our children. If we can help them maintain (or get) the light inside of them all will somehow turn out well!

Bring up your children in light and truth

2008-10-27T17:48:00.000-07:00

One of the scriptures that I have been pondering for the past several months is this one found in Doctrine and Covenants 93:40, 42

"But I have commanded you to bring up your children in light and truth".
"You have not taught your children light and truth, according to the commandments; and that wicked one hath power, as yet, over you, and this is the cause of your affliction".

It's a continual quest for all of us to provide this sanctuary for our children especially if we are doing it alone. But, I do believe that the Lord will help us as we continue to strive for this and let-go of things that aren't in this category.

Broken things like toilet handles and hearts...

2008-10-25T14:05:00.000-07:00

The Lord fixes broken things like hearts and homes and lives.

But, our toilet handle broke this week and it's something we have to fix ourselves. The kids think it's gross to reach into the tank to manually flush - so, I get that honor most of the time.

When you're a single parent you get to fix a lot of broken things yourself as you usually can't afford to hire it done and the men around are busy with their own things and their own families.
You do become more knowledgable and skilled and worth even more than your weight in gold! :)But, the frustration of broken things is often extra challenging for an already-overworked and overstressed single-parent.

Amongst other things our washing machine has been semi-broken for nearly a year now -- and we have to manually help it everytime we wash something. The lawnmower broke this week and is now in the repair shop as we'll have to mow another time or two before the snow falls.

But, perhaps these things are all good. They remind us of the temporary nature of earthly matter and the eternal value of things that mean more. They remind us to be grateful for things when they do work, to care for our belongings with more appreciation and to become skilled in things that we otherwise would not.

They also remind me of the time I spent 18 months in Mexico and manually washed clothes on a scrubbing board, washed dishes in a bowl and with no running water, showered with cold water from a little pipe coming out of the wall, used outhouses, visited homes with dirt floors and chickens afoot, and met a family of 7 who shared one old bed and rotated those sleeping at night and sleeping during the day in their one room abode.

Powerful Marriage Comments

2008-10-22T07:09:00.000-07:00

I just read this message. It's a very powerful commentary on marriage and definitely worth reading and pondering! http://www.ldsmag.com/historybits/081022marriage.html

We live in a time where all opposition is out to destroy the family and the institution of marriage. For those of us who are single by 'no fault of our own' we deeply understand the meaning and consequences of the selfish and destructive acts of others and hope that those of you who are blessed with a good marriage will continue to strengthen and appreciate it. We all stand fast in the establishment that God instituted and will continue to let our voices be heard in that behalf.

And....we hope that someday we will have that greatest of blessing! It is meant to be that way!Those of us who don't currently have it understand the lackings thereof and the instability it creates for all who are affected.

Angels will attend....

2008-10-20T17:05:00.000-07:00

I needed the words of this hymn today.

When we are pulling the handcart alone, sometimes we really need help in doing so. Cheerleaders along the sideline are nice -- but don't often make the weight of the load any lighter. Any person who actually pulls the load -- even for a small moment -- (like picking my kids up for a youth activity as did my sweet neighbor Chrisite) is a God-send and welcome relief. For those people, I will give thanks for the rest of my life.

For angels --- I pray and am grateful!
I have come to know for myself that they do attend to us, help and comfort give us.

I hope that I am that for others' in their time of need. I pray to be so.

Count Your Many Blessings
When upon life's billows you are tempest tossed
When you are discouraged thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings; name them one by one,
And it will suprise you what the Lord has done.

Are you ever burdened with a load of care?
Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
Count your many blessings; every doubt will fly,
And you will be singing as the days go by.

When you look at others with their lands and gold,
Think that Christ has promised you his wealth untold.
Count your many blessings; money cannot buy
Your reward in heaven nor your home on high.

So, amid the conflict, whether great or small,
Do not be discouraged; God is over all.
Count your many blessings; angels will attend,
Help and comfort give you to your journey's end.

The Game of iMAgiNiff...

2008-10-18T14:26:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I played a game with my two youngest after their several minutes of pleadings. It was called iMAgiNiff...

I just had to laugh when the card I drew said this:

"iMAgiNiff... Mom was asked to babysit a relative's 5 yr. old kid. What would she do?"

1. Take the kid to the zoo
2. Bake a tray of cookies
3. Eat junk food together and watch TV
4. Put the kid to work doing laundry and dishes
5. Teach the kid how to rebuild engines
6. Immediately hire a different babysitter

We all had to vote and I put down #2.
But, my two children voted #4.
I laughed right out loud -- because I'm sure that that's what they thought I'd do. :)

I guess I need to try to have more fun with my kids rather than working all the time. It was a cute answer -- and I figured they might choose that for me. I guess I'll have to try to be less-stressed and go a bit more easy on the chore list sometimes.

-------------------------------------------------------------------
It's a fun game and here are a few other iMAgiNiff questions....
iMAgiNiff _________(name of player) were a city. Which would he/she be?
iMAgiNiff -------were a tool. Which would he/she be? (5 possibilities are given)
iMAgiNiff -------were a street sign.
iMAgiNiff -------were a high school class.
etc.

a 'new' -- used car

2008-10-13T19:33:00.001-07:00

We found a new (used) car today. It was a huge blessing as we were determined to not go in to debt for a vehicle. From a car accident two weeks ago we received $ 2,214 over and above what we still owed on our previous car.

We've been praying and searching for something 'sufficient for our needs' and today, by a real miracle, we found something even nicer than we could have expected. They were asking the exact amount that we could (barely) afford -- $2,200 and when we went to pick it up --- we found out that we were related to the people selling the car. It was a blessing for them (they just sent out a missionary) as well as a great blessing for us. It is roomier than our last car (the kids were squished in the back) and has nicer features than we could have dreamed of.

This experience today helped us feel not so 'alone' and forsaken (I've been feeling that was as of late) and we all realized that we were being cared-for and blessed! Our greatest desire was to be obedient to our church leaders and get out of debt no matter the sacrifice.

We live on a very small income so this truly was a blessing from One who helps and we'll be grateful for His tender mercies for a long time to come!!!

Assumptions ---

2008-10-06T18:25:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I guess I've had assumptions that everyone around me knew how hard it was to be a single-parent. I thought that they could 'see' our struggles, heartache, exhaustion, poverty, lonliness etc. But, I have been very wrong. I've come to realize that most of them have absolutely NO idea of how difficult it is nor the issues that are faced day after day, year after year.

A recent visit with both a sister-in-law and church leader confirmed this. The sister-in-law said after a short visit "I had NO idea of what you have gone through" and the church leader (a higher-upper) kindly said about the people around me "they really have NO idea!"

Maybe they are not being unkind or unthoughtful on purpose afterall. They are just too busy or just aren't aware or thinking of about it (as perhaps I don't with their struggles.)

I have often felt disappointed and alone; no one noticing or caring or wanting to help lighten the load which, at times, has seemed like an almost unbearable burden.

Yet, my job is to forgive those who hurt or neglect (intentionally or not), to serve others' in their time of need, and to strengthen my own home and family. This, I sincerely strive to do despite my challenges, weakness and inabilities.

I know that my experiences have helped me to be more aware of others in their time of need and pray that I may continue to do so. We all need to love, encourage and strengthen each other. The Lord is the perfect example of how this is done. For Him, I am eternally grateful!

A love for animals...

2008-10-03T14:37:00.000-07:00

My children have a special love for animals. When we moved to our current location they pleaded for kittens. I finally consented knowing how much they needed and longed for that kind of therapy. We've loved having the cats and they have brought us all a lot of joy and happiness. They've delighted us with their antics and adorable playfulness and they've taught the children responsibility and tenderness .

Today, we had to put one cat down. She has been in a lot of pain for several weeks and the Dr. gave her a pain shot hoping it would help. It didn't and we can't afford the surgery that she would require. My son is heartbroken, as we all are, and it's a tender time.

The blessing of having animals is a great one. It's hard when they are gone - though we know it's part of the life process. The only comfort we've all had today is knowing that she will be in heaven and out of pain. Our prayers ascend in her behalf and we also ask for comfort for ourselves.

Bottling Peaches

2008-09-25T18:37:00.000-07:00

Whew -- I think I can sigh relief, now that the peaches are bottled. It's been a large task and this particular year I only had help from one child. I know that I appreciate (and savor) them more because of the effort that went in to bottling them. But, does motherhood sometimes seem like the story of the little red hen? Everyone was anxious to eat the finished bread -- but, not so anxious to help her in the precursary (is that the right word?) steps.

Perhaps that's a mothers lot some days. Thank goodness that sometimes we have other willing hands. They are extremely appreciated! :)

But, here's to peaches and toast in the coming winter months!!!

Boy Scouting -- as a single Mom

2008-09-23T18:04:00.000-07:00

Boy Scouting -- for a single mom -- is challenging. I can't do all the things that a man does and I am not able to meet all the requirements that are needed for a growing boy to learn how to be a man. But, I am extremely concerned about it and always very thoughtful of it. My prayers continually ascend in behalf of my children and my abilities to teach and train them, and the lackings that come from trying to do most of it alone. Most people really have no idea of what a single parent faces day after day, month after month.

Over the years we've had a few scout leaders who were kind and helpful and considerate of our situation. For that blessing I am forever grateful. But, oft, we've felt neglected and left to do most of it alone.

The work for scouting often falls to the mother -- single or married. This isn't always the case; and for those people -- you are truly, truly blessed! For the rest of us -- we do what we can and hope (and pray) that someday down the road -- our sons will turn out well.

Though my divorce was not because of my unrighteousness -- I am often wrongfully judged by those around me. Perhaps they are well-meaning, but I can often feel when they are cold-hearted or judgmental towards me. I wonder if they don't feel to help my son with scouting (or other things) because they think that we 'deserve' what we got, or ... if perhaps they think it is a disease that they will catch if they reach out to help?

Whatever the reason ---- in scouting and in life --- I am always deeply grateful for any kindness that is shown to my son. He needs that (more than I can express) and more than I can personally do. Presently -- he is falling between the cracks a bit as he feels that 'everyone else has a Dad' and it makes him feel 'different' than -- and a little uncomfortable with -- them. Sometimes it's painful for him to be around them when he sees what they have and what he doesn't. His tears attest to that!

I know and believe that 'all these things will give thee experience and be for thy good...." But, when you're the mom helping your son with friends, academics, puberty, finances, exercise, music, sports, clothing, chores, responsibility, family relationships, spirituality, church, and.....scouting mostly on your own --- and on a very low budget, it can seem overwhelming and nearly impossible at times.

Thanks to those who reach out and touch one soul at a time. I believe that your acts do not go unnoticed and may actually help save lives in the end. And...thanks to any who have reached out to us over the years. Our prayers of gratitude have ascended in your behalf. Thank you with all our hearts!!!

Looking for Single Parents who Blog

2008-09-20T10:55:00.001-07:00

Looking for single LDS parents who blog to add to my blog list. If you are one of know of any will you please respond to this message? Thanks!!!

I just had to laugh....

2008-09-19T06:06:00.000-07:00

Last night my 11 yr. old daughter was in-charge of fixing dinner. We had purchased some stew meat (little steak pieces) as she wanted to make steak-and-swiss sandwiches. As I entered the kitchen while she was trying to prepare the meat she hesitantly turned to me and said "There was some blood on one of the pieces of meat so I threw it out". I wanted to laugh right out loud but restrained myself as she was trying her best! :) I told her that raw meat does have blood in it because that's what it's made of.

Maybe you had to be there. But, I got a kick out of it!
Those are the sweet things in life that bring us smiles; the innocence of childhood and....help around the house!

Hot Flashes

2008-09-18T11:37:00.000-07:00

Last week I took my oldest daughter for her final x-rays of her healed broken arm. While sitting in the waiting room we were seated next to an older woman -- a 'senior'. We enjoyed visiting with her and learning of her knee replacements and hip surgeries.

It was hot in the waiting room. I made that comment as I reached for something to fan myself with. Though I haven't reached the stage of hot flashes --- this older woman, with a twinkle in her eye -- passed along a comment that a friend had given to her; 'those aren't hot flashes --- they are private trips to the tropics'. :)

I was grateful for a laugh and a new way of looking at something deemed to be unpleasant. It gave me an opportunity to look at other challenges as blessings. Thought I'd pass along the humor :)

I don't like to be single...

2008-09-11T17:07:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I don't like to be single. It's not been my preferred status at any time since my early twenties -- or maybe before. In high school we used to discuss who would get married first and who would be last. I voted to not be last -- but, that didn't happen.

But, in life, we all face challenges. Some are severe and test every part of our being.

We don't always know why we experience the challenges that we do but, we do know that we learn things from the trials that perhaps we could not have learned in any other way.

I know that the Lord knows my deepest longings. I know that He knows of my heartache and grief and pain and ..... work and efforts. I know that He is aware of my needs and those of my children. I know that He allows us life experiences for our own learning and growth -- even when they are painful or uncomfortable. If we were to take away all pain and suffering we would also eliminate growth and stretching and strengthening.

Hopefully, someday, I will find someone wonderful who will love me as I will love him. If the longings of my heart were enough -- that would have already happened. But, the Lord has a greater plan and my quest is to be faithful and true in all things so that I may be worthy of future blessings. It is not always easy and if oftimes very lonely. But, those emotions are carving out a greater space in my heart to love and be loved. When I remember that I am at peace and know that 'all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord'.

Great Quote on our labors...

2008-09-05T12:53:00.001-07:00

I found this quote on another blog. I loved it and wanted to share:

"There are many of the sisters whose labors are not known beyond their own dwellings and perhaps not appreciated there, but what difference does that make? If your labors are acceptable to God, however simple the duties, if faithfully performed, you should never be discouraged."
-Eliza R. Snow (see Ensign, December 1977, p. 38.)

Seek Learning - even by faith

2008-09-03T13:16:00.000-07:00

In Doctrine and Covenants section 88 vs. 118 we are taught "....seek ye diligently and teach one another words of wisdom; yea, seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom; seek learning, even by study and also by faith."

As I ponder this message it reinforces my desire to learn by the Spirit and to be taught from on high. As I study out of the best books (or as a college religion professor put it 'The Lord's library') I realize how much I love to learn and how much there is to learn. We have not yet tapped the surface of all knowledge or wisdom.

We have been taught that were we to look in to heaven for 5 minutes we'd know more than if we were to study about the heaven's for our whole lives. This reminds me that the Lord has much to share with us as we are willing and ready to receive it. It's given me the chance to think about how the Lord has taught me personally. For those things I am deeply grateful as He knows all things and is the Master Teacher. My quest is to be a moldable learner to the most important things for as Joseph Smith put it ...not all truths are of equal value.

Duct Tape or WD-40

2008-08-25T07:33:00.001-07:00

Though I try to have plenty of duct tape around the house it seems to disappear when Andrew is 'creating' something.

You know the rule; If it's moving and isn't supposed to - use duct tape.
If it's not moving and is supposed to -- use WD-40.

As a single-parent I often have one of those problems and duct tape has often come in handy. And, when you remove the duct tape and it leaves a sticky residue -- use WD-40 to clean it off.

Here are a few other uses of WD-40: lubricates squeaky doors, playground equipmen, teeter-totters, slides etc. Removes super strong glue from fingers and other surfaces, softenes and preserves leather furniture, keeps grandfather clocks lubricated and running smooth.

First Day of School

2008-08-22T10:53:00.000-07:00

Do you suppose that we have any of the same feelings that the Lord did when allowing us to go off to earth-school?

Some parents are glad to 'get rid' of their kids for a time. Others cry to see them go. Some are hopeful that they'll make friends and have good teachers. Others seem to not care much about their progress nor their well-being.

Some children are more prepared than others; physically, spiritually, emotionally or mentally. Some children are not ready for the things they will face as they have had personal or family challenges that have caused delays in their development. This is not always because of the 'unrighteousness' of the parents or the children. Many times those parents with children that struggle care very much but haven't found the correct solutions to their challenges just yet.

Most parents, that I know, seem to care. Some care more than others. Some are involved and some are not. Some purchase name-brand fashionable clothing and some cannot afford anything new. Some purchase school lunches and extra-curricular activities without a second thought and others are availed government funding for meals and after-school programs.

There is a large contrast in parenting and family upbringing even within our own neighborhoods. I wonder if there is also pride involved in some of the things that we do and are involved in. I've stepped back to check myself more than one time.

Do we think our children are 'better' or 'worse' because of affluence or lack thereof? Do people think that we care more --- or less -- because of financial or educational standings? Do teachers treat children differently because of what they are wearing, what they smell like, their good looks, or outgoing personality?

I've pondered on these things over the years and the first day of school tends to remind me of these issues once again. It's something to think about.

When we're on top -- we tend to think that everyone else is or should be. Thank goodness we're not all on the bottom at the same time. But, each serves a purpose. Hopefully we can all help others when we're on top and they're not. And, when we're down, we hope that others will reach out to lift us up.

I hope that my kids will do that for others - especially those in school who don't quite 'fit-in'. And, I hope that I will be more aware of that for others' too.

No Trial is Wasted

2008-08-21T14:54:00.000-07:00

This is one of my favorites quotes of all time and has helped me on many occassions. I'm posting it on my three blogs today as it is applicable to all of us and in all areas of life. When we look upon trials as blessings our whole understandings change and we have renewed hope and purpose. I hope you'll benefit from it as I have.

Elder Orson F. Whitney said: “No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God … and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father and Mother in heaven” (quoted in Spencer W. Kimball, Faith Precedes the Miracle, 98).

Andrew Wants Birds

2008-08-18T07:18:00.000-07:00

Whether you want birds or not, when your 12-yr. old son approaches you with a well-thought-out list of the benefits of him having birds and all that he is willing to do to attain and care for them, it's hard to resist. We even consulted with Grandpa who sided with Andrew. He did so because he sees the passion of Andrew wanting to learn how to train them and work towards a scouting merit badge. Andrew promises to pay for them himself, clean the cage daily, feed and care for them, and handle them gently. He's spent hrs. at the library and on-line researching about birds (specifically parakeets), spent days reading and studying bird books, and followed me around frequently sharing his new passion and excitement about and for birds.

So, if we can find a corner for them somewhere in the house, Andrew is going to get birds. He's awaited this day for a long time and ..... I'm trying to be as excited for him as he is about them. As a mother I know well enough that the excitement will wear off, but, I'm willing (though somewhat reluctantly this time) to let him have this experience as he'll learn life-lessons for himself that I cannot teach him.

Wish us luck!!! :)

Huge Spiders

2008-08-13T19:15:00.000-07:00

When you're the Mom you have to pretend that huge and whopping spiders don't scare you. You can't scream (outloud) or the kids will freak-out even more. :)

We've had a lot of spiders this month; large wolf spiders. They must be looking to come in where it is cool. I keep telling them that they are not welcome here but, so far, most of them have not heeded my commands.

Thank goodness for the exterminator. He'll be here on Friday. I feel badly because I don't like to kill small creatures, but, in this case, I feel that it's self-protection and self-preservation of sorts. (I hope I will be forgiven for that!)

The kids won't sleep downstairs anymore and we all check around the floors and in the bathtubs before we dare enter. So, this is a needful thing to do and I hope it will be okay. We need to have a safe place to live and these spiders have caused some upheavals in that.

But, when you're the Mom, you just have to act brave and do what needs to be done. When there is a spouse around you can have him do it. I guess that is why men have to act even braver than women; even if they don't like spiders either. :)

The Cat Came Back . . .

2008-08-10T19:01:00.000-07:00

Louie is back. It's almost unbelievable as he's been gone for about a week. My daughter had resigned herself to never seeing him again and had tried to work through some of those difficult emotions. So, imagine my suprise when the kids excitedly called to me this afternoon "Mom, come quick, Louie is back! Rocky Taylor (animal control) is here."

I went outside to discover Louie's return for myself. Sure enough, there he was, a bit skinnier than before, but looking no worse for the wear.

Thanks to Rocky, Amber has her dear friend back! He (the cat) was across the field at the hospital trying to get in to the emergency room. Apparently, they had to call Rocky (on the Sabbath - for which I am truly sorry) and get him to come all the way across town (he lives at least 20 min. away) to return our cat to us. For, Rocky, we are truly thankful. He is a remarkable and amazing person!

He is kind to the animals and knows many of them by name. He 'wrestled' with a pig this week who was annoying some horses, and is trying to catch some wild peacock's that roam a neighborhood screaming 'help' (or so it seems) at 5:00 a.m. Along with all of his many daily responsibilities he feeds a group of feral cats that live behind one of the local car dealerships. He truly goes out of his way to care for those under his jurisdiction and I think that they should honor them in this city. I actually called the city last year suggesting that they honor a city employee each month in the newsletter and nominated him as the first -- but they must have decided against my idea. They did acknowledge him in the newletter -- but, it wasn't good enough for all that he does. So, I'll honor him here and thank him publicly for ALL that he does for all of us!

I think that someone ought to do a book or documentary about him! Or, call 'Animal Planet' and have them follow him around for a few days! It would be interesting and exciting!
He's truly remarkable and an enjoyable delight to be around!
Thanks for everything, Rocky! We appreciate you!!!

Boots and Louie

2008-08-07T11:59:00.000-07:00

Aunt Eva's cat "Boots" and my daughter's cat King "Louie" are missing. Boots has been gone for 10 days and Aunt Eva fears that he may have died somewhere from old age. He's been her dear cat for over 11 years and one that always came home at night to snuggle with her other cat; Tippy.

Our cat, Louie, has disappeared before. The first time we paid 20.00 to get him back. The second time we paid 30.00 (donation and fees for shelter food and care.) He keeps getting out of his collars. We've spent over 50.00 for several collars and hanging tags with our name and address tightly affixed. But, Louie somehow manages to escape from these identifying markers and we reluctantly have to call Rocky (our truly wonderful animal control man) to notify him of the news.

These cats are well-loved and have been therapeutic blessings to my children (even though I was contrary at first). We're still searching and hoping. Microchipping will be available for them starting in September. Hopefully we'll be availed that opportunity!

The Joys

2008-08-05T15:48:00.000-07:00

Truly, my children have brought me greater joy in this life than they have sorrow or grief. Our situation is difficult yet it's brought us closer together as a family. We do most things together and have had lots of discussions and opportunities to work and learn together. We've had to be creative with our resources and had many evening discussions because of that.

A dear neighbor of mine was not blessed to have children in this life. He and his wife have experienced much sorrow and grief because of it. My heartaches along with them.

We each have joys and sorrows in this life. Many of them are unseen by others. It seems to me that we ought to be sensitive to the needs and feelings of those around us.

Many of our life's struggles are not because of our own unrighteousness. If we could truly understand that and be kind to those who are hurting, there would be more joy and happiness in each of our lives.

The Heartache....

2008-08-04T14:56:00.000-07:00

Some of the heartache in single-parenting lies in the missed opportunities that others' have. I say this, realizing that many others' are worse off than we are. I humbly acknowledge that and hope that I will be sensitive to their needs. Yet, I know that we still face things that challenge us.

Over the years I have tried to be genuinely happy for the blessings of others; most especially my own siblings and their offspring. I've heard much about their trips, vacations, sporting events, summer camps, music lessons, starring roles, educational opportunities, business successes, couple-get-aways, large new homes etc.

For some reason I haven't been able to find as much joy in that lately.

I longed for my oldest daughter to be able to attend EFY (a week-long youth camp at BYU in Provo) with her cousin. The cousin got in but my daughter didn't. Today was the day that camp started. The cousin is extremely excited about it. I ought to be happy for her. And, perhaps I am. But, I'm sad for my own daughter who wasn't able to attend.

As a single parent I often wonder if anyone even thinks about us or cares. They get so busy and wrapped up in their own lives that maybe they forget to notice those by the wayside who longingly watch as they pass by.

The Hats We Wear

2008-08-02T11:54:00.001-07:00

On my other blog I shared my feelings today about The Masks We Wear. Perhaps we've been hurt and put up walls to 'protect' ourselves. On here, I'd like to acknowledge the HATS that we wear as mothers. Whether we've been hurt or not we try to keep up with all the 'demands' that each HAT brings as women and mothers.

Please add to this list as you think of them.
Here are the ones off the top of my head:
Mother, nurturer, teacher, tutor, spiritual leader, maid, cook, chef, baker, cake-decorator, nurse, scout, personal-trainer, example, organizer, party-planner, singer, mentor, guide, cleaner-upper, librarian, banker, accountant, computer expert, question-answerer, chauffer, appointment-maker, hugger, hair-cutter and stylist, motivational speaker, nature specialist, vetinarian, fly swatter, clothing guru, nose-wiper, listener, therapist, home-work helper (including science projects, state reports, voluteer positions, fund-raisers etc.), chore-chart maker and enforcer, shopper, dietician, puzzle-putter-together, cheerleader, ball-thrower and catcher, lawn-mower, gardener, weeder, snow-shoveler, referee, neighbor, friend, peacemaker, and ..... bedtime storyteller.

These are just a few of the things that came to mind. I'm sure that we could add many more. Don't ever say "I'm JUST a mother". You're pretty darn impressive on a resume already!

Our payoff is in the joy that comes from doing the best we can, fulfilling a God-given responsibility to raise good children and teach them right from wrong, and in becoming better women in the process.

A Day in the Life....

2008-07-31T16:34:00.000-07:00

After I realized how long my to-do list was yesterday, I dropped to my knees with the firm realization that there was no way I could do it all -- so I asked the Lord to help guide me as to what was truly needful.

After a few basics, dishes, laundry, meals, watering the garden, oldest daughter mowing the lawn and feeding the cats, I dropped the youngest two off at tumbling for the last time this summer. I came home, checked my e-mail, blogged, did another batch of laundry (as laundry son was not home) and then went back to get kids. Brought them home just in time for piano lessons. Took daughter to piano, son rode his scooter to play basketball at the church with the scouts.

Oldest daughter (with broken arm) and I ran to the store for some items needed for refreshments for Book Group. Picked up son from church, took him to piano, retreived daughter from piano, came home. Ran to post office for Mother who had to get a letter off and needed more stamps.

Helped youngest make a little-people house out of a cardboard box, with 3 stories, carpet, cardboard furniture etc. before the friends came. It was needful for her as she wanted my time and attention. (Wasn't on the schedule -- but was an important thing for daughter and.... was fun.)

Fixed and ate lunch, cleaned up, finished other chores, had oldest make the zucchini bread for Book Group refreshments. Sorted through more items for Dorothy's fund-raising yard sale, called friend for recipe, called Dr. for daughter's broken-arm visit, cleaned bathroom, swept and mopped hardwood floors, did more dishes, and sorted through mail pile.

In the evening I attended Book Group (to support Mom- and to serve refreshments), talked to Scout leader, sister-in-law, and children.

Doesn't always seem like much but....some things are just needful.

In the middle of all this we're trying to get the house fixed up before I start teaching school in the fall. I have tried to keep things 'simple' and not overschedule. But, somedays are just busier than others; especially for single-parents who don't have much support but their own. My kids help out quite a bit -- nevertheless, there is still much that I have to do.

But, as I dropped back on to my knees at night, I knew that the Lord had guided me to do what was necessary and to let the other things go. The needful things were done and I recognized His helping hand in it all. I wasn't truly alone as He really had helped and guided me!

Fighting and Quarreling

2008-07-30T08:57:00.000-07:00

A scripture that often comes to my mind in raising children is "...and ye will not suffer (allow) your children that they go hungry, or naked; neither will ye suffer that they transgress the laws of God, and fight and quarrel one with another, and serve the devil, who is that master of sin, or who is the evil spirit which hath been spoken of by our fathers, he being an enemy to all righteousness. BUT.... ye WILL teach them to walk in the ways of truth and soberness; ye will teach them to love one another, and to serve one another".

The first verse that tells us what not to allow and the second tells us how to do it. We must Teach them correct principles out of love, not force or coercion, and by way of example.

It's not an easy task and it requires much practice and discussion ---- and sincerity.

I've found that family prayer and scripture study help -- especially when the Spirit is present. It's not always on one of the 'planned' occassions when these sweet times occur (that the Spirit is truly with us and is strong). They are tender mercies of the Lord, I believe, to help us gain hope that someday, maybe, all our efforts will pay off.

The Light of Parenting

2008-07-23T19:08:00.000-07:00

You may have heard Oprah say that parenting is the hardest job in the world. She's right and we parents appreciate that acknowledgement especially in this time on earth when many forces are working against the family. The 'world' (worldliness) would have us succumb to their declining ideals. The Lord would have us 'seek things of a better'. It's a tug-of-war between good and evil but we don't have to hold on to that rope. We know inwardly what is good and true. Each of us was born with an inner light (the light of Christ) which was sent to guide and direct us on this earth. When we ignore that light, and turn away from the thoughts and feelings that we had in the beginning, it begins to dim. When we heed the ideas that come to us as we try to do right -- the light becomes stronger and our resolve (and power) to do good is strengthened.

Parenting is difficult -- yet extremely important. We are raising the future. When we are gone our contributions and influence will remain in the next generation.

Case in Point

2008-07-22T13:37:00.000-07:00

Last night I needed to go to bed early as I was to get up at 4:30 this morning with my daughter who needed to be at the church at 5:00 a.m. for Pioneer Trek. Around 10:00 p.m. as I was falling asleep, my youngest daughter came into my room with the comment "Mom, I'm sick. I think I'm going to throw-up." For the next hour and a half she lay on my bed moaning and groaning. I got her a bowl and tried to comfort her the best I could --- knowing all along how tired I was going to be in the morning. Around 11:30 she threw-up and felt relieved to do so. After we got everything cleaned up I finally got to sleep. Next thing I knew oldest daughter was standing at the foot of my bed "Mom, it's 4:30".

Such is the life of a single parent. I know that all parents experience these things. But, as a single parent you are the only one available to meet the needs. There is no reprieve. There is no opportunity to say 'go and ask your Dad' or "let's talk to your father about that".

On top of all the requirements for a single-parent there is also a lack of 'reprieve' and 'filling your bucket'. It's challenging to be able to do so as money is tighter and free-time is less. We appreciate any kindness shown to us by way of understanding, empathisizing, and validating. Others can't 'fix' all the issues but they sure can help lighten the way by being kind.

Single Parenting

2008-07-21T15:14:00.000-07:00

Single parenting is hard. It is very hard. If parenting itself is challenging with two -- imagine what it may be like when one soul is wholly responsible for the raising of children as well as: daily meals, shopping, laundry, house-cleaning and organization, auto maintenance and repair, insurance, medical visits, finances, meal planning and preparation, taxes, vacations (or lack thereof), lawn mowing, snow shovelling, sports with boys, fishing, bike maintenance and repair, home repair, scouting, father-and-sons outings, camping, oil change and gasoline, painting, caulking, plumbing, computer problems and maintenance, teaching and training children in daily tasks and emotional issues, dealing with childrens' growth and bodily changes, education, homework, projects, music, activities, family prayer, Family Home Evening, family scripture study, church etc.

I'm grateful for any kindness shown along the way as that helps with the load. Many are probably oblivious as to our plight as they have never experienced it. Some are judgemental as they have no idea why a person would be single. Some are kind and compassionate and helpful. For the latter I am extremely grateful and hope to be that kind of person myself.